masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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