I'm lost and stupid without you.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize