no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
