It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
