Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
