Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize