i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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