genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
