I love black thongs
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
