dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
