i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
