he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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