Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
