Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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