Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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