so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
