Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
