Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
