O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
