I heard we made out
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
