I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
