FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
and she was petting her beer can
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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