Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
My pussy is not your playground.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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