Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
We had sex on a dog bed..
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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