Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
