last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
