Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I think my vagina is haunted
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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