My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
