Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
