fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
