Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
