so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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