You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize