Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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