I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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