I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
