you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
