No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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