Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
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