So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Randomize
