Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize