last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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