He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
