if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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