That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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