I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
