remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
