We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
