Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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