Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
