It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize