At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
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