This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
