Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
