I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
