**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
