Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
