proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
