im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
