does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
The air taste purple.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
