I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
