That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
