Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize