she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
