dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
