Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
