the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
