Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i already hear my dad disowning me
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
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