So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize