i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
