my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
