What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
