Need sex. Gaining weight.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
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