Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
