hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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