then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
she peed on how many people?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
