That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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