i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
