So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
