It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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