On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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