Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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