Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Man, jail baloney is awful.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
