bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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