you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Randomize
