I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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