hotel room ftw
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
