For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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