Your dad touched me again.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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