Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
