There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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