you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
My cat gives me a boner
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
