Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize