if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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