Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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