the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Holy sore nipples Batman
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
