somebody snuck up and got me drunk
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
