OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
