Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
