high people should be assigned attendants
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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