i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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