Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
