Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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