I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
