I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize