If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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