I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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