she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize